Schizophrenia
by Erava
Summary: During one of his trips to the lab, Sephiroth is given his psychological examination by one of the many assistants. You gotta feel sorry for the poor guy. The assistant, that is.


Yay! I finally have it! Sephy finally gets to go psycho in the labs!

* * *

Pairing: Hinted-at SephZackCloud, but not an essential part of the story.

Warnings: Bad words. And just a little OOC. Just a little.

Dedication: To Amarissia for letting me borrow her Sephy-Pants, and to Sephy for being a good stand-in muse, even when I jumped him that one time. You did that really sexy hair toss, though, so it was completely justified!

Disclaimer: I don't own these people. I only partially own Evan, the lab assistant. He belongs somewhat to Square Enix too, because I based his name off of Vexen's (the not-as-hateable KH Hojo) real name.

* * *

Sephiroth watched as a lab assistant (or, as Zack called them, Hojo minions) walked into the room. Outwardly, he sat up straighter and stiffened. Inwardly, he smirked. He _loved _working with assistants. It gave him the perfect excuse to a) scare someone shitless, b) kill/break a few things, or c) just plain show off his flair for theatrics.

Evan (the lab assistant) strode in confidently. He had been given many warnings by his fellow colleagues about the general. The man had, according to rumor, caused 57 resignations, 26 to be hospitalized, 12 to die of cardiac arrest, and 3 to be mortally injured. But this didn't seem like the man everyone was ranting about. This man sitting on the examination table didn't seem violent or crazy or prone to epilepsy. He seemed like the calm, efficient man that everyone outside of the science department believed him to be. And he, Evan, would be the one to learn the secrets behind the general's collected mask.

And it is here that we fangirls laugh with pity. The poor guy didn't know what was coming to him.

"Hello, General. The professor is working with some other experiments at the moment, so I am to perform a basic psychological examination. Please answer any question honestly." He sat down and pulled out a clipboard. "Before I begin, do _you _believe yourself to have any out-of-the-ordinary psychological issues?"

Sephiroth had already formed a plan. He hesitated just long enough to make it seem meaningful. The silly man leaned forward, taking the bait. "Come now, Sephiroth, tell me." Ha! The man was using his name now? That meant he was getting comfortable. All the better to suit his purposes.

The general paused again before speaking. "Are voices out of the ordinary?" he asked, playing the part perfectly.

Evan quickly scribbled some notes. "Describe these voices. What do they say, how do they make you feel?"

Sephiroth frowned. "They're...nice, I suppose. They can think on my level. They give me good advice, sometimes. It's pleasing to have people with which I can hold meaningful conversations." He cackled inwardly. His plan was going perfectly! The assistant was asking all the right questions.

More scribbled notes. "Are there several distinct personalities, or just a mass of voices saying the same thing?" This was a huge development. No one else had gotten this far with the general, and he had done it within a few minutes! He'd get a promotion for sure!

Sephiroth's expression darkened. "Well, most of them are nice. They work with me. They're like friends. But some of them..." The general scowled. "They...scream, I suppose."

Evan nodded and scribbled frantically. "And what exactly do they say?"

Sephiroth closed his eyes, as if concentrating. "They show me...things. They show me myself, burning the world to the ground. They show me rivers of blood, flowing across the land. They show me as a god, ruling over Gaia. They scream for blood and death. They tell me to cleanse the Planet of all you human scum."

The pen flew across the page now. "And how does this - ?"

The general's eyes, mako searing through them, snapped open and stared straight at him. Sephiroth slowly drew Masamune and stalked toward the scientist like a hunter toward prey.

"The things they show are so tempting...they tell me to end this meaningless interrogation, to cleave you in two. They show me the beautiful way your blood would splatter across these white tiles." Sephiroth drew ever closer, backing the assistant into a corner.

"N-now, General! B-be reasonable!" So it was back to "general", was it? He was afraid, then. The scientist's back hit the wall, and he cowered into a fetal position.

Masamune swung in a wide arc, mako spilling out from smashed tubes, spilled samples causing monsters to generate in the middle of the room, papers flying everywhere, trays of chemicals and equipment crashing to the floor. Several Flares were cast, setting notes on fire, killing the monster samples, melting holes in the solid steel walls. Sephiroth swung his sword again, feinting toward Evan but missing by inches each time. The scientist quivered with each arc the famed blade made, shrinking as far as he could into the corner, even as he wet himself.

Suddenly, the onslaught stopped, and Sephiroth spread his one wing and flew up the stairs and out, cackling maniacally as he went. The lab assistant stared after him, instantly deciding that no job was worth working with such a man, already halfway through composing a resignation letter in his head.

* * *

Zack and Cloud looked up from the television to find their lover striding in with an entirely out of character grin plastered on his face, laughing his ass off.

"I take it you had fun, then?" Cloud asked, as Zack simultaneously said, "Did he wet himself this time too?"  
The general's satisfied smirk was the only answer they needed.

**If you're all nice and review, I'll give you a death-to-Hojo ficlet that's been building in my head! Oh, and you get cookies that Vinny made!**


End file.
